Every morning I start my day with Sarah Young’s “Jesus Calling.“ A particular sentence from the November 18th devotion jumped off the page and into my soul.
It read, “You offer these people dry crumbs rather than the living water of My Spirit flowing through you.“
I had just re-read last year’s Project Breadcrumb Trail’s post, Breaking Bread. It had stirred up the memories of the Thanksgiving Day I described in the post. I thought back to feeling completely depleted, empty, and sad that I had nothing to offer or contribute to the day, because I was SO sick from a night of partying.
I was a dry crumb.
A tired, self imposed dry crumb. I wrote:
“I was blinded by the natural daylight coming in through the window. I fought to keep my eyes open as sweat beads slowly started dripping down my back. My legs were shaking uncontrollably and my heart felt like it was going to burst through my chest and onto the beautifully decorated table.
It was Thanksgiving, the day after the biggest party night of the year. I partied a lot every night back in those days, but Thanksgiving Eve was the creme de la creme, surpassing both New Year’s Eve and St. Patrick’s Day.
For everyone else the smell of the food was salivating. This was apparent as people tried to gently tear small pieces of crispy skin off of the bird. I was lucky I could smell at all and the drugs hadn’t burned a hole in my nose. The same smells that everyone seemed intoxicated by were nauseating to me.
Everyone sat down. We joined hands, bowed our heads and prayed a blessing over our meal.
As I opened my eyes a deep sense of guilt and shame came over me. No one knew what my previous night entailed because I wore a permanent mask in those days, covering up the ugly truth of my addictions.
I was feeling both the physical and emotional repercussions of my choices. I wished I had an appetite and could have been present with the company that surrounded me. My mind was everywhere but in the moment.”
Dry crumb. That was me with nothing to offer.
When I reflect back on those words, I do so from a place of thanks and compassion. This is a far stretch from years of reflecting back with shame, guilt, regret, disappointment and fear.
- I am thankful that through the grace of God I was able to get my head straight and turn my life around at a young age.
- I am compassionate towards my youthful years of bad choices because Jesus is compassionate towards me. If He does not condemn my past, how can I?
Today I feel the living water that runs through me from Jesus.
That Thanksgiving was decades ago. Since then, I traveled many paths of spirituality before going on my Jesus Journey. (Aka, my desire to evolve from being a person who believed in God to becoming a person who has a personal relationship with Jesus.)
Several of those paths emphasized the importance of an “Attitude of Gratitude.” While I still believe in the value of that attitude, I have shifted my thanks directly to the hands of God.
Today I leave you with my favorite scripture regarding thanksgiving, along with several others that may resonate for you and help you fill your thank tank!
May God bless and protect our country and everyone reading.
“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:6-18)
“As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, as you have been taught, abounding in it with thanksgiving.” (Colossians 2:6-7)
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” (James 1:17)
“Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; for His steadfast love endures forever!” (1 Chronicles 16:34)
“This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24)
“Now therefore, our God, we thank You and praise Your glorious name.” (1 Chronicles 29:13)
“Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!” (2 Corinthians 9:15)