Perfect Vision

Tears fell down my face just as slowly as the days of 2020 seemed to pass by. Emotions including gratitude, peace, joy and comfort streamed down my face and landed on my laptop. I leaned back and smiled as my year stared back at me.

We all know the saying, “hindsight is 2020.” It means it’s easier to analyze and evaluate situations when we’re looking back on them in the past vs. when we’re in the present moment. The word hindsight refers to looking back and 20/20 refers to perfect vision.

This New Year’s Day is the first time we can say hindsight is literally 2020.

They say “never look back” but I disagree. How do you know where to go if you don’t know where you’ve been? How do you know you’re following the bread crumbs down a new path and not another dead end you’ve been down before? How do you count your blessings that were in disguise?

As 2020 comes to a close, I thought about the letter I encouraged readers to write back in October and decided to share mine here on the Bread Crumb Trail. A letter to the year 2020. (If you’d like a guide to writing your own you can see one HERE.)

Dear 2020,

You made me a liar. On Jan. 15th I fought back tears as I wrapped my arms around my Grandpa and confidently told him I’d see him in a couple of months, but that was the last time I saw him.

I told my Mom, “Don’t worry, I can come home anytime. I’m only a flight away.” I had to wait six plus months before making it back and now I have to jump through hoops to get there.

I told myself it’d be easy to get a job in Texas, only to find myself “waiting” for the world to heal.

I told myself I’d never let the difference of opinions interfere with a relationship, only to find myself praying every night for my capability not to resent and judge others.

I told myself I’d never get married without the presence of my parents, but found myself saying “I do” because the world wasn’t healing quickly enough.

Looking back I realize that though my intentions and outcomes didn’t line up, it was beyond my control. It was beyond all of our control. If I had to do it again, I’d be less hard on myself. There’s a couple other things I’d do differently too, like pray more and worry less. I’d stay grounded more consistently in my faith and knowing that we are always where we are supposed to be.

On the flip side, on January 17th, I moved to a beautiful state that I absolutely love. I planned out time to rest and reset and start my Jesus journey.

On February 5th, I went to my first Bible study and met a group of women who demonstrated to me what having a personal relationship with Jesus looked like. They encouraged me and became my first friends.

I also met my downstairs neighbors, Ron and Judy, who happened to be retired missionaries. I shared with them that I wanted to learn God’s Word and know Jesus. They took me under their wing and we began studying together.

On July 13th, the man who has been the greatest compliment to my life got on his knee and proposed to me. I gave my Best Yes! (Which happened to be the name of the 1st book I read in Bible study.)

In August I started the Bread Crumb Trail. I am proud to say I’ve been consistent, writing one post per week since August 15th and reaching 3,000 readers.

I also gained a second birthday by making the decision to get baptized. This happened in a way I wouldn’t have imagined, but even better. With my fiancé in the water with me in the pool I grew up swimming in at my parents home, with Ron on FaceTime and my Mom and Stepdad present.

On Sept. 19th, I got to marry the above mentioned amazing man. The ceremony isn’t what I would have imagined. It was so much better. It was peaceful and natural and intimate. The two of us gathered with Ron and Judy, and the moment was the most favorite of all my life.

Though these were the highlights of my year, I cant forget the 4-ish months I spent 100% alcohol free. I learned a lot about myself during that time and I felt amazing. I’m going to kick that off again on Jan. 4th when I do a Whole 30. If anyone would like to join me, message me!

I cant forget how grateful I’ve been for moving when I did, and the reality that I would have lost my personal training business if I had stayed in NY. Covid has afforded me the opportunity to train a few former clients virtually and Texas lets me live a life must less restricted than in other states. I’ve been afforded the opportunity to work from home as a contact center consultant, putting my 12 + years at Time Warner Cable to good use, while still enjoying the freedoms of self employment.

Lastly, this Christmas has been the best I’ve ever had. From enjoying a quiet and intimate time with my Mom and Stepdad, to a very unique but equally beautiful outdoor celebration with my Dad and Stepmom (complete with a fire and some fireworks) to spending time with my bonus family, the best In-laws a girl could ask for.

If you look close enough you can always find a silver lining. Sometimes it’s hard to see the lining, but if you take the time to put it on paper, I’m confident you’ll find yours.

2020 has treated me well. It has reminded me of what is truly important in life and to never, ever, take for granted the  people you love most .

2020 means perfect vision, which means each and every one of us as seen through the eyes of God. If you seek, you will find. This New Year, take a look back and find the perfection in 2020.